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Letter: Hearing problems


Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Hearing problems

This must look silly. These hearing aids dangling from my ears do not look right. They were invented to fit invisibly in the correct ear, red for the right ear and blue for the left. Why then, you wonder, do they dangle, each in the wrong ear? I can explain.

This morning, when I went to put the hearing aids in my ears, each in the ear to which it was assigned, my blue ear being the latest new millennial, state-of-the-art, artificially intelligent model, began shrieking feedback at me. It no longer identified itself as “blue” but insisted it was “red,” and belonged in the right ear. The red hearing aid, far more compliant, didn’t care which ear it served, and complacently submitted to the ravings of the left.

I know what this looks like, but these are new and adventurous times, where left is right and right is always wrong. Nothing can be said for two reasons: I have been advised by my lawyers to sue anyone who seeks to correct the misgivings of the left, and lawyers will collect their fees. And the second reason is far more to the point: I can assure you that I will not hear you.

In a world where function is defined in terms of dysfunction and enablement is the new therapy, where science enforced by policy makers is that which is approved by the voting dysfunctional, who can say what is right? Or, what is left . . . if anything at all?

PETER MEHEGAN

Pembroke